Last Updated on November 1, 2024 by The Smetz Files
I’m raising tweens. Read to see why I love a middle schooler, despite popular opinion to the contrary!
It’s November and that means we (mostly I!) survived the first quarter of middle school. Specifically, raising a middle school boy!
Thank you, I appreciate your applause!
Seriously, though, as I wrote earlier this year, I was anxious about sending my first born to middle school.
I wrote about my angst and fears parenting a new middle school boy in a piece featured on Her View From Home. You can read it here.
https://herviewfromhome.com/dear-middle-school-son-i-will-follow-your-lead
Middle schoolers get a bad reputation (some of it rightfully so!), but in general I’ve realized it’s not as terrible as it’s made out to be. To be fair, I’m still a total rookie, but nevertheless, here are some things I love about raising a middle schooler.
- Independence
- Responsibility
- Conversations
- Identity
- Humor
Here’s my caveat: it’s not always sunshine and roses over here! In fact, most days I find myself questioning how I’m going to survive this current attitude, argument, etc…
But generally speaking I’m loving the independence, our conversations, his emerging identity, an increased level of responsibility, and his engaging humor.
Here’s what I mean.
Independence
I’ve been impressed with how his teachers communicate enough, while still holding the kids responsible for their learning. Of course, I’m still checking in with him daily to make sure he’s on top of assignments, planning future projects, and studying for upcoming exams.
But, a few weeks ago he came home and devoted a lot of time developing a presentation for his history class. He exacted each slide to meet the assignment criteria and include his own design ideas. It was awesome to see and he was super proud of the work he put in. I loved seeing him put his independent thought and interpretation on the task.
Another aspect of independent in middle school is the selection of school clubs and activities. He’s choosing to get to school early for Campus Life or stay after for a sports tryout. Again, there’s still a lot of direction from us, but he’s leaning into his interests and expanding his social opportunities more independently. Which leads me to my next point, responsibility.
Responsibility
This one kind of waxes and wanes, if that makes sense?!
He’s certainly capable of doing a lot more around the house and we’ve increased our expectations accordingly. He’s more involved with decision making when it comes to his schedules, practices, and extracurricular expectations.
Perhaps one of the most noticeable changes in the last few months is time management. He’s keenly aware of what time he needs to be up to be ready for car pool to school. There’s an increased awareness of managing his time after school to get assignments complete before heading to practice and knowing which nights he has free.
And of course, he contributes to mowing the lawn and doing some light cooking to help take care of basic household needs.
It’s by no means a perfect system, but seeing him take on more responsibility is both helpful and cool! I thought I had made it to peak parenting mode when our kids could get up on the weekend, pour a bowl of cereal, and let us sleep in!
Conversations
Part of growing up is navigating new situations and meeting new people. Our guy has always been a bit of an old soul and relates to others really well. Since he started middle school, he has a deeper awareness for world events and navigating social relationships.
While I was prepared for some of this, I wasn’t necessarily expecting him to come home the first day of school talking about what girls said to him, who likes whom, and how he reacted. PS It was mature and respectful! And he might have gotten some good natured teasing from Dad!
I love that he asks deeply philosophical questions as he’s exploring new understandings. And sometimes when he asks if I’ve experienced something, it’s a great opportunity to share and connect. The elevated conversations we’re having are often fun and always a stark reminder of how quickly he’s growing up. They’re also a good indication of his emerging identity.
Identity
This is perhaps one of my greatest worries for him specifically as a middle school boy. There’s a lot of identity work that happens for kids in those tween and early teenage years and that can be intimidating.
He’s more greatly influenced by peers and goings on at school and sports. I was worried because he’s a good, kind hearted kid and the last thing I wanted was the harshness of the world to snuff out that innocence too soon.
As I read parenting advice for supporting middle schoolers and tweens, I’m continually reminded raising good humans is the ultimate goal. And so far, that’s been the case.
Continuing to foster his interests, gradually increase expectations and responsibilities, and finding ways to support his emerging independence have been important. All while trying to maintain a reasonable sense of humor.
Humor
All of the aforementioned reasons I love my middle school revolve around developing a good human. But perhaps one of the most enjoyable aspects has been his witty, charming, and often typical middle school boy humor.
I can’t lie, I find his jokes, running commentary, and sometimes potty humor funny. Sometimes the lightheartedness is the perfect antidote to a stressful moment.
On top of it, I enjoy car pooling with two other middle school boys in our neighborhood. Hearing their witty comebacks, camaraderie, and encouragement on the drive to or from school is a highlight of my week.
So, yeah, raising a middle school boy isn’t always sunshine and roses. But it isn’t always the doom and gloom we’ve come to expect from tweens (or maybe it was just me dreading these three years!).
Pro tip
PS I highly recommend finding some good, supportive mom friends! I love learning what to expect from seasoned, experienced moms. They’re also a great source of commiseration and remind you you’re not the world’s worst mother on THOSE days when you are convinced you are!
Thanks for reading!
Read more of my simple musings of a small town mom on the blog and follow The Smetz Files on Instagram and Pinterest for updated content.
