Last Updated on July 1, 2025 by The Smetz Files
I’m raising tween athletes. Here’s some advice to help keep things in perspective.
Over the last few years I’ve documented our journey raising two kids active in youth sports on my blog. While it is cathartic for me, it has also been an incredible way to connect with parents around the country who are also doing their best to raise happy, healthy, athletic kids.
Take a look at this post if you want to see a bit of our background and how we ended up in this rat race called travel ball!
It’s June, so naturally it’s the beginning of travel ball free agency! I say that somewhat satirically, but also with a hint of truth.
Now that most teams have played their spring season, the player/team search carousel begins. All of the travel ball groups I’m a member of on social media are posting their fall tryout schedules and requesting you contact them for private workouts.
We haven’t even finished playing our final tournaments and already people are jockeying for positions on new teams. You have to laugh at the absurdity of it all!
But, if you’re like us and you have kids who are serious about playing and getting better, it can be increasingly hard to find a good fit.
Here’s some advice we try to live by as we raise our tween athletes.
Control what you can control.
We talk to our kids about working to get 1% better each day. This can look like a lot of things. What they eat, getting adequate rest, managing their time to include school and social events, and their workouts. These are things they can control, with guidance from us, of course.
You can’t control what others do, so don’t waste time trying. Stay focused on what you’re doing to improve and how you are working towards your goals. The steps you take to get there are within your control. Narrowing down to those daily goals takes a lot of patience and iteration.
Tough plays happen. Bad outings happen. But we remind our two to control the controllables. This leads me to our next tip.
Attitude and effort
Speaking of things you can control, how you show up and react reflect your attitude and effort. Legendary Yankee short stop, Derek Jeter said, ‘there will always be people who have more talent than you do, but there’s no excuse for anyone to work harder than you do.’
We believe, in addition to the hard work, your attitude and effort speak volumes. And when it comes to comparable talent, I’d rather have the player that brings a positive attitude and strong work ethic.
If you’ve been to games, you can instantly see which teams prioritize attitude and effort, versus those chasing rings. Watch the players’ body language. Take a look at their pre game warm up and between inning routines. Listen to how they communicate on the field and in the dugout.
You can control the attitude and effort you bring to the game.
Trust the process.
So this one can be a bit tougher to stomach than the other suggestions. Players and parents alike can lean into this advice a bit more. In an era of instant results and social media posts highlighting banners, rings, and personal stats, trusting the process can be pretty hard.
But here’s the thing. You are your competition. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing your kid to another. But ultimately, they need to be working to get better than they were a day ago, a month ago, a season ago.
We’ve had to remind ourselves to trust the process a lot recently. Our son just finished his first year of middle school baseball. As a sixth grader, he was often the smallest kid on the field…by a lot!
Some of that is waiting for his physical maturity and growth spurts. Some of that is just simply being two years younger than other players. A lot of development can happen in two years. So, we’re endeavoring to trust the process. We’re focused on his fundamentals and helping him set realistic goals to work towards.
Trust the process and finally….
Keep things in perspective
You often hear about the parents trying to live vicariously through their kids. If you’ve been around youth sports, you’ve likely seen examples of parents living their glory days through pushing their kids. I assume it’s all well intentioned.
But if you find yourself comparing, pressured to get a spot on the ‘best’ team, or otherwise overextending your family, take a pause. Keep things in perspective. What does your kid want from this?
As our kids have gotten older we’ve asked for their input into decisions we make as a family. We always try to best position our family, while honoring our priorities and goals. The kids are part of that decision making.
We follow their lead. We observe how they interact with coaches and teammates. We listen to what they say (and don’t say) on the way home from practices and games.
It’s all part of the process. Sometimes you have to make tough decisions and face harsh realities. But keep it in perspective. What are the larger lessons to be learned? How is this situation moving you towards your goals?
Sometimes they’ll surprise you with some brave, mature decisions. And if it’s time to call it quits, be the support they need to make the big choices.
Live the dream! Have you played at Cooperstown?
Here’s the thing, I fully embrace this sports mom identity. I am running on iced coffee, protein shakes, and water most days! I love being the first one they look for in the stands. And if I’m being honest, I’ll miss driving them all over the place to get to practices and games one day.
If you’re doing the sports mom shuffle with your young athletes, let’s connect! Follow the Smetz Files on Instagram and Pinterest.
